Friday, August 25, 2006

The overwhelming winner is ... Sulla's "Raven"!

Here is the winning piece
Once upon a browser dreary, while I burrowed, blitzed and bleary
Into many a faint and furious posting from some ill-begotten bore,
Suddenly there came an inkling, and I found my eyebrows wrinkling,
Like some Yorkie, softly tinkling on a cold, unpapered floor.
I clicked on a destination I had ne'er been to before;
Right-wing websites need me more.

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in my quest for tenure,
That had launched my trip to Ragnarok in nineteen ninety-four.
I've compiled a list of people - some are villains, some just sheeple -
Who derailed my lifetime gravy train; and that is why I'm poor.
I should be an honored scholar at that school in Eugene, OR.
But I don't teach there no more.

After seven years of drudging I broke camp and started trudging
To a governmental posting in the Beltway corridor
In my quest for veneration I gave cash from my foundation
To whoever kissed my butt the most for funding their new score
"It's for science!" they would cry as they would pucker up once more
Here's your check, chump; there's the door.


Honorable mention to Fatwa for "Scary little Frischmas"
Have yourself a scary little Frischmas
Let teh crazy flow
Boot your Dell
And then uncork a nice bordeaux

Have yourself a scary little Frischmas,
Post teh crazy verse.
From now on your troubles
Will be getting worse

There you blog up in Orrey Gun
Hope you're having fun, you loon
Threaten those whom you're snarking at
And keep barking at the moon.

Through the years, you've burned all of your bridges
And it's all YOUR fault
Tenure track positions you've blown; oy gevalt!
By threat'ning 2-year-olds with sexual assault.


Thanks to everyone for voting and posting the work!

Until next Frischmas Eve!

30 Comments:

At 6:02 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Congrats to you both!

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger warriordumot said...

merry little frischmas - i like it, creeps!

reminds me of a song i wrong when i lived in tucson.

santa claus had a heat stroke
frosty's a puddle now
christmas in tucson's like that
you will never need a plow!

I gotta cop to ya, I like my frischmas song MUCH better than yours!

dr. deborah frisch

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger OttavaRima said...

deb, phuque off.

no one wants you here. go home to camp kablahblah.

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger Sinner said...

Well, all I can say is that post came from you jean. Its not the last reported IP, so speculate away...

Me, I think its one of the VBSers having a lark.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

yeah, too many words are spelled correctly.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

Does Ph.D. stand for "particularly heavy dosage"?

Because that's what I'd prescribe.

I know a great Mexican discount pharmacy that can get you a bulk rate on lithium. Helped me make it through the Clinton years without a single misdemeanor--

Oops! Sorry.

I question the timing.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger OttavaRima said...

and there's actually a followable meter.

definitely not deb.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Northwesterner said...

I believe it's too late in the season for larks in the valley. Can you tell which IP is me? (I'm about to switch to a different location.)

Sinner, I'll tell you my IP if you tell me yours. ;-)

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger Sinner said...

You got to hit the main page for me to see the info. This page (the comments) are not controlled by me so my nasty little spies can't see you...

;)

 
At 6:23 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Congrats, Sulla! You absolutely deserved to win, demonstrating there is occasionally justice in this wacky universe.

But I'm seriously surprised by the honorable mention; thanks very much.

[Feigns sloppy inebriation]

Man...I really love you guysh.

Psst, Sinner...I'll leave that envelope for you just like we agreed, okay?

 
At 6:25 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Maybe Dweebie snuck into the college library again.

Pretty soon there are going to be pictures of her up by cash registers and on telephone poles in Eugene. Like a lost dog notice:

Warning! Rabid Moonbat Alert!
Keep Away From Toddlers And Joos!
Wild Eyed With Projectile Spitting!
Do Not Attempt To Apprehend!
Contact Lane County Sherriff'S Dept.

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

ottavarima,

careful what you ask for. Deb tried to go to camp kablooie when she lived in washington.

unfortunately, before she could set off the frischmaker, she accidentally bumped into Cynthia McKinney.

She regained consciousness when it started raining. And teh fuse got soaked.

Then she saw a shiny object and got distracted for a few years.

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Rabbit, wouldn't that be Animal Control rather than the Sheriff?

[Rimshot]

I'll be here all week...try the veal!

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

thanks, fatwa! I really liked your song too.

Frankly, everybody who got their poetic freak on did great. I like frischmas eve poetry slams.

And I'm very flattered y'all like my stuff.

I'm working on a country song for Deb now: "take your tongue out of my mouth, cuz I'm kissing you goodbye."

 
At 6:34 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

That, or "flattened armadillo on the freeway of love."

decisions, decisions.

 
At 6:34 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Ha, you are right, Awtaf,er-Fatwa.

I just figured the sherriff 's dept. has such a history with her, they'd treat her nice. Let her hang her head out the window and bark when the wind hits her on the way to lock-up.

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Sulla -

Howsabout "I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy"?

Rabbit - That caused a highly amusing mental image of our heroin®.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Sulla:

How about: "Your eyes told me yes, but your restraining order told me no"

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

LMAO joe!

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

Congrats guys!

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger OttavaRima said...

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy

oh you funny, funny tricksy VBSers!

i hate to do it, but i have to sign off for the night or risk the ire of my RL friends (not that anyone here will miss me).

i just don't know what i'll do for the rest of the evening with no one who understands the DHD® stuff.

i'll be at James Joyce on Main Street if teh crazy® breaks out in full force.

call me!

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

OttavaRima

That's the name of a real song. It's probably on some Dr. Demento CD.

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

Congrats, Sulla and Fatwa!

And an excellent job as always to the poetry corner slammers.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

Country song suggestions:

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

Did I Shave my Legs for This?

Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)

**************

It's a cornucopia of Deb-worthy music out there.

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

And one more, perfect in form and function for the occasion:

You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can't Keep My Face from Breaking Out

(by Randy Scruggs of all people)

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Hi, Brenda...and thanks!

It's pretty quiet tonight at Deb's.

Too quiet.

Those were new song titles to me. I've got a fairly long list of funny country song titles somewhere; I probably archived it off to a CD ROM years ago but didn't index it as, I don't find a listing for it in my system.

I can't remember any of the really good ones. Drat this creaky cerebellum of mine.

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

I cannot tell a lie - I googled to get a couple of them. Or all of them.

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Unless you're lying about Googling for them.

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

Mmmm. Well. I, uh, know a few of the lyrics to Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares).

I was required to listen to it for a...a class. A contemporary philosophy class. Yea, that's the ticket.

 
At 7:35 AM, Blogger w3bgrrl said...

You people!

Arbuckle, thanks again. Sulla, very well done. You've probably taken away the only pride she had left: her mad poetry skilz.

 

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