Thursday, August 24, 2006

I wonder who Dr. Deb is talking about:
ciao, creeps

There are pi types of people who visit south(west)paw.

Type 1: Concerned friends, family, former colleagues who may or may not be potential targets, etc.

Type 2: Curious and interested observers hoping for a positive outcome (i.e., Coal bear ray pour!)

Type 3: Curious and interested observers (a.k.a., trainwreckers) hoping for a negative outcome

Type .14159: everyone else.

The Type 1 people and me (whatcha gonna du, grammar kop- lok mee upp?) are getting tired of the Type 3 people. We think that you are a bad influence on me and serve to inflame my rage instead of assisting me in expressing my many passionate beliefs and opinions in an effective manor (just joe king!).

So here's the deal, creeps. There is a kind of yin site that serves as the sissified outpost of the original south(west)paw. That's where all the sissy stalkers hang out. You can all post to your shriveled hearts' contents over there. No more comments on or about "teh cray zee" any more here at south(west)paw or any other post I deem uncommentable on. The drone over there will cut and paste my words and all you denny cranes and amandas and sullas and other assorted losers with life deficiency disorder can have your phun.


Kapish, creeps?
Posted by Deb at 12:18 PM | TrackBack (0)

Congrats Denny, and Sulla! You make the "big time"! I bow to your superior batfrischiness. She never has any love for a lowly Sinner. [sigh]

Oddly enough, I think I am in group #2. Maybe my definition of "positive outcome" is not the same as hers.

I just want to say how much it hurts me to be called "assorted losers with life deficiency disorder". Until this very minute, rushing in to check the news and then rushing out to do some important non-life activities with my family, I didn't know that I had no life. I must have no life because Dr. Deb says so and she has a PhD.

I gotta work on that.


At 2:14 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

Actually, Sinner, I think she singled you out as "the drone." :)

I do wonder why she's singled me out. If I pissed her off for the right reasons, then I'm heartened; if her big complaint was from the times I was just being a jerk (I lost it a couple of times), then I probably didn't help things, and I apologize.

At 2:19 PM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

I didn't get mentioned and, to be honest, I'm feeling a little pissy about it. I try and I try and I try.


At 2:23 PM, Blogger Dianna said...

Someone with some French, make sure I got the last post/bad poetry right: Her sister called and said she's seen the blog, and is horrified. Deb thinks it's just because her sister hasn't been following?


At 2:24 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Yeah, what is it about Sulla?

It was Illinoisrepublican with the poo flinging dancing monkey.

Maybe you just do the jester thing betther than the "hombra?"

At 2:26 PM, Blogger brian said...

Back after a week off and here comes the Thursday bender. Although, she may be low on booze and the funds to purchase after the last week. Maybe we should get together and fed ex her a case of WTF.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger Sinner said...


You GIVE and you GIVE and you GIVE!

You're a GIVER!

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Justhereforthebeer said...

BTW it looks like comments are back on........what was that 30 minutes.....

At 2:30 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Dianna, I think you know more French than any of us, unless there's a lurker...

At 2:35 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

The Blog Joke of my sister

My sister telephoned me
Oy vey she said to me
For you, here's a good joke
The word for seal is seal.

Play on words in translation.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Her sister called and said she's seen the blog, and is horrified. Deb thinks it's just because her sister hasn't been following?

I don't know French, but this does sound like something our Deb would say. After all, in the original dust-up over at Protein Wisdom, I mean the one where Deb threatened to sexually assault a 2-year child, she thinks she is the primary injured party.


At 2:37 PM, Blogger Dianna said...

Oregonmuse, I haven't more than ten words, mostly consisting of "Hi, I don't speak French, help me, I desperately need a non-disgusting bathroom." Oh, and I can ask for the American Embassy in (so far) eight languages, including one dead one.

This does not mean I can speak any of them fluently.

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Mr. Calgary said...

teh comedy:

"instead of assisting me in expressing my many passionate beliefs and opinions in an effective manor".

You would think someone with a Phd would be able to express themselves in an effective manner (or manor)

and I'm sorry, but passionate does not compensate for IGNORANT beliefs and opinions Deb!

I'm also a type 2.

But yes, I think we, and she, have different ideas on what constitutes a positive outcome.

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Dianna said...

Joe, that's pathetic. She thought that worthy of electronic immortality?

At 2:41 PM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

sinner notes: "openacanatuna,

You GIVE and you GIVE and you GIVE!

You're a GIVER!"

You noticed! Yep, I'm all about giving. Mostly unsolicited advice, but, hey, I'm not making anyone take it.


At 2:42 PM, Blogger X_LA_Native said...

Dat don seem rot 2 me, folx.
Justification #437 for la Frisch will pour on teh crazee®.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...


Well, our Deb did blame her sister. Ha!

At 2:49 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Dianne, for someone who knows only 10 words of French, you did a remarkably good job at a free-form translation.

At 2:50 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

Hello all.. my old name of FrebDisch won't let me log in for some reason.

Anywho, it's good to see Doc CraZee is back in front of the keyboard. Perhaps it's time to raise the threat indicator?

Speaking of which, is there anyway we can put that thing on or individual blogs?

At 2:51 PM, Blogger Dianna said...

I got it wrong, though. Really wrong.

I let my hope that her family is intervening get the better of me.

At 3:01 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

And has anyone else noticed that Deb's favorite epithets for males she doesn't like are "sissy", "sissy-boy" and the like, implying that our, ahem, sexual demeanor isn't up to full manliness potential? I find that odd, coming as it does from a "lesbian". Full-on masculinity is usually deeply loathed by lesbians and feminists and lesbian feminists, so it sounds like she's saying we (males) really ought to be more fully something she despises. As the poet once said, wtf?

This confusion is evidence for my theory that, deep down inside her, there's a hetero Deb struggling to get out.

At 3:05 PM, Blogger Sulla said...


I think in Denny's case, he was (1) unsparing in his predictions of the road she was on, and (2) unerring in his predictions of the consequences she was heaping on herself.

The more his predictions come to pass, the more resentful she gets. It's gotta rattle her.

She looks at DHD as the "dang kids and their stupid dog" riding the Intertubes in their Mystery Machine, unmasking her at every turn. She is astounded that we who are so far beneath her in every way (she believes) continue to upstage her at every turn.

She echoes John Kerry in 2004: How can I be losing to this idiot? The answer she can't even consider is that her adversaries are not idiots, and she keeps misunderestimating them, and misoverestimating herself.

At 3:05 PM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

"This confusion is evidence for my theory that, deep down inside her, there's a hetero Deb struggling to get out. "

As I read that I had this mental picture of the inverse of when that thing in Alien 3 is coming out of Sigourney Weaver's chest. Inverse.

At 3:05 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

Has anyone checked craigslist to see if Doc CraZee is advertising for a roommate?

At 3:07 PM, Blogger Dianna said...

Along with "flaccid." Never forget the sheer inappropriateness of "flaccid lobed" used a good many times.

No, she's just got a very simplistic notion of what's insulting; she got stuck around jr. high.

At 3:09 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...


So did her french!

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

Oh, wait, there IS an ad there!

How did that happen?

At 3:16 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...



That is just wro-ong! But if that's wrong, I don't want to be right!

At 3:17 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...


think that ad will get any hits?

not that there would be anyway to know, of course.. :)

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

I guess I am a Type 14159, as my number of sockpuppets multiply.

Kinda feel like the Professor and MaryAnn in the original lyrics of Gilligan's Island when they were called "and the rest".

Now About Debbie
It kills her to no end that we are running circles around her in everything she attempts to do. We are funnier, smarter, better poets,better detectives-whatever.

The fact that we have LOCAL OPERATIVES in her town must be giving her the willies! She won't know who is going to blog about her next trip to the Wine House on Olive St. Hey Deb, you better dress nice next time you are atthe grocery store. There's a cell phone camera waiting for you.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Fatwa Arbuckle said...

Full-on masculinity is usually deeply loathed by lesbians...

True enough, OregonMuse.

Unless it's exhibited by another lesbian.

[Ducks and weaves to avoid the well-deserved shower of rotten produce from other DHDers]

Hey, wait a minute...

[Stoops to examine the debris field more closely]

...that's not a yam...

[Hurriedly wipes fingers on pants]

...Hey, Sinner...I think Deb's lurking again!

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

Guys, if you haven't seen the latest Oregon Commentator, go! They give her an "award," have a pic of her and the hound (ex cropped out) and a whole rundown, including a mention of this site!

Here. Low bandwidth warning: It's a big ol' PDF.

At 3:27 PM, Blogger tim said...

the Wine House on Olive Street?
Rabbit, did I miss some new news?
[smites brow] "Why am I always the last to learn?" :)

At 3:29 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...


The poo flinging has begun, but no kabuki monkey dancing yet. Hrmmm. It's building, though. She can't believe she's only made 10 dollars while the tip jar for Jeff plus DHD ad revenue is already $142. That can buy a lot of WTF Vodka™.

At 3:29 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Whoever did this oughta be ashamed of themselves!

(I can't stop laughing)

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...


don't ask me how it got there. i just went over to see if there might be anything, and WHAM! there it was..

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

Drat! When I go there I get a "not found" ... what did it say?

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

Here is the CL Eugene ad:


wacky PhD looking for a roomie.

must like vodka, cold bear ray pour, and occasional bouts of teh crazee. would be a big help if you were not bothered by men in green cans showing up with papers to sign in wee hours of teh morning.

must have own phone and komputer, as i like to call my former colleagues. alot.

please be as educated as i am.

if you make this decision, there will be no risk.

ciao, peeps

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Remember when she posted about that Saturday when she went around town dragging her press clippings & hanging out at the Wine Warehouse tasting bar? I looked it up in the Eugene Phone book & cracked up when the address was on Olive St. No wonder she says olive u so much.

At 3:36 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...


She should get one of those old-school sandwich boards, and cover it with her press clippings. Easier to carry around, plus she can sleep under it when she loses her house in her upcoming expensive legal battles.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

There's a wine house on Olive St.? I've got to check it out.

Oh wait, you're not talking about the Broadway Market on Broadway and Olive, are you? Actually, maybe that should be Broadway and Charnelton. Good wine selection in that little corner store.

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm two timezones away.

At 3:44 PM, Blogger tim said...

Good eye, Rabbit, good eye!

At 3:46 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

She can't believe she's only made 10 dollars while the tip jar for Jeff plus DHD ad revenue is already $142.

Somebody needs to explain the basics of free market capitalism to Deb; namely, that people express their preferences in their economic choices if allowed to buy and sell without hindrance. In this case, the fact that DHD has earned $142 while Deb's blog has only garnered a paltry $10 means that people prefer us DHD/VBSers who ware witty, smart, urbane, charming, sophisticated, extraordinarlly good looking, and damn good poets to boot, much more than her unhinged poo flinging.

It's just sound decision-making. Wait a minute, isn't Deb supposed to be an expert on decisions?

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

What she doesn't understand is that I've bugged Sinner about putting up a tip jar here, for his trouble, and he declined, and asked that we contribute to PW's defense fund -- which I did. So he's not really profiting.

Sinner, I really think you could make some decent coin. I appreciate this site, and your effort. It's a public service, but even Teh Deb knows that public servants get paid. Hell, she's never had a real job in the private sector!

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Sinner said...

Where did you get $142?

At 3:55 PM, Blogger tim said...

>Somebody needs to explain the >basics of free market capitalism >to Deb

Oregonmuse~alas, she has that exit from irrationality blocked....
One of the main academic themes running through her page is all about how economics is bogus. (Something about how peeps' preferences aren't perfect exemplifications of homo economicus. Or something :p)

At 3:59 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...


I forgot to verify Deb's math, which was off as usual. I thought she went to technorati to see the google ad revenue, but I don't think you can do that there. She added our tip jar of 66 plus HER tip jar of 10 and came up with 76. Stooopid!

Then I took her 76 number and added our 66 and came up with 142. Usually it's trust but verify, but in Deb's case, it's: don't trust, don't verify.

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

You guys are missing the point. She follows "Debonomics", whereas someones self-described value automatically demands premium pay, exposure, and offers to be "cold bear" sidekick. It's really simple, actually. It can be summed up like this:

"I know I am good, so pay me"


At 4:06 PM, Blogger Denny Crane said...

Deb's so fucking clueless.

First, she says I'm SOL because comments are closed. Did she forget that she banned my IP several weeks ago?

Second, she keeps telling me to go to Walmart and buy a life. Fine, I will as soon as I have some free time.

I was too busy to buy a life earlier today because my 10-year-old and I were sailing around Point Fermin for four hours. I suppose I could now, but I'm trainwrecking this site and thinking about making a martini.

I would have bought a life last weekend, but I I had to sail my new sailboat from San Diego to Los Angeles, via Catalina Island. That took nearly three days (low wind). No time to buy a life. Had a great time, though.

That trip started Friday. The previous night, I was in Las Vegas to see Robert Cray and Buddy Guy. Another great time, but no life.

The weekend before that, I sailed the family to Mexico. Sigh, no life.

Damn, tomorrow I'm taking my oldest daughter (16) sailing in the afternoon and then we're going to see the contestants of Rockstar Supernova sing tomorrow night. Having a fiance who works for Universal Studios comes in handy. Alas, no time to buy a life.

Semi-retirement and a steady paycheck sure is nice, Deb. But there doesn't seem to be enough time to buy that life at Walmart.

Maaan, if I could find the time to buy a life, I think I'd become a hermit in a shack on five acres of worthless land in the grass seed capital of the world. I really wish I could give up my Palos Verdes ocean view, clean ocean breeze, instant access to my sailboat, and warm sunny climate in favor of hay fever, 100 mile drive to the rainy Oregon Coast, and perpetual rain. I have a lot to learn about "having a life" from you, Deb.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger tim said...


Now *that's* a frisch-slapping if I ever saw one!


At 4:18 PM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

"but I'm trainwrecking this site and thinking about making a martini."

I think we have a new word for the lexicon. Anyone want to take a stab at an official definition & rules for usage?


At 4:18 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

I'm just happy she's bashing VBSers that can talkback, unlike this morning when she was trashing her gradeschool teacher.

At 4:18 PM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Yeah, nice beatdown.

At 4:24 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Well guys,

We already have frischwreck, and trainwreck is a common enough phrase for rubbernecking. But if it gets common usage, I'll allow it.

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

Shoot, Denny, now I've had to shake a Luksusowa up with olives. I buy Polish or Danish vodka now. Allies, dontcha know.

At 4:27 PM, Blogger Sulla said...


Ah, I see the problem.

No WalMart on the High Seas.

never fear - there's always, and their online selection of "life" isn't half bad. I picked up "Life" from Johnny Cash and Sly and the Family Stone.

At 4:30 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...


What? No vintage Ricky Martin? For shame! [wags finger disappointedly]

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

oh, and p.s.




You are the man, Denny.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Sulla said...


no Ricky Martin. Last time I shook my bonbon was in Oakland, many years ago.

They had to cancel the World Series. My groove thang was revoked, and the restraining order filed against me by the San Andreas fault remains in effect.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Denny Crane said...


Gin, maaaan, gin! Bombay Sapphire from England, another ally!

About that life shit: I forgot about the day after arriving from San Diego: The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean has been in the harbor at San Pedro for the past month.

I did my San Diego---> LA trip with my best friend from high school, who lives in Alaska. I figured he should glimpse some of the movie culture around here, so we sailed around to where the Pearl was being set dressed for the third movie.

My two step daughters (almost) and my youngest daughter came along. They're all rabid Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom fans.

We made a couple close passes by the Pearl, when we realized that they had started filming. My step daughter blurted something about Johnny Depp, which I thought was ridiculous. Sure enough, Depp, Bloom and someone who only the girls would recognize were right there! If you don't have teenage daughters, this might not mean much to you. But that was the ultimate day for these three girls! They actually saw their heartthrobs working, in costume!

They love the Pirates movies, and I'm sure they'll recognize the scenes when the next film is released.

Hearing the squeals, and seeing them fill up the SD cards on their digital cameras, makes a daddy feel pretty cool. Really cool.

Of course, paying the cell phone bills after they frantically called every friend and classmate on Earth will suck.

I think I'll pass on the Walmart life. No thanks, Deb. I kinda like what I do. I guess that's why I don't stalk, attack, threaten, and blame. That may also be why I have a family, an income, and peace.

Time for another martini!

At 5:01 PM, Blogger Where Are My Keys? said...

Believe it or not:

There has been a reply to the "room for rent" on CL, and it is LEGIT!

Some young guy who has his own post looking for a place responded. Or at least, that's what I heard thru the grapevine. There's no way I would know anything about that, since I certainly didn't write the ad..

And Denny, NICE slapdown!

At 5:09 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Bliz and Denny,

Sapphire's my gin when it hits gin o'clock around Morris Manor. It looks pretty cool under a blacklight too. Hmm, gin and tonic. [drool]

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Denny Crane said...

Headin' out for Mexican food now, Deb. Just my fiance and my 10-year-old tonight. The nearest Walmart is probably 30-50 miles away (or more) so there will be no life purchasing tonight. I might purchase a few margaritas, tho.

Note that the crazeest I'll get is maybe hitting on Brendak for her luscious red hair, but that's about it. Of course, my fiance will be looking over my shoulder, and also commenting that her hair is hot. No problem, I don't have any roadtrips to Georgia planned for anytime soon.

So Deb, how is it to have a great life like yours? Eating alone again tonight? Gonna ask your parents to bail you out of another jam? Gonna spend the weekend talking to fucking statues while real life tries to drown you out? What are your plans? Bombing on the standup stage? Flinging shit at informed and eloquent bloggers? Alienating the last professionals who might have been sympathetic to your cause? Bribing your dog to slurp your natural salt lick? Eww, I can't believe I said that.

Ok, time for saturated fat, corn products, and tequila! Hasta, folks!

At 8:22 PM, Blogger Cirrus said...

I find Denny dangerously attractive, and that was before, when I thought he had no life!

Now that I know he is all happy and engaged and stuff I am deb-estated. I think I'll start me a blog and begin ranting about how my kindergarden teacher (Mrs. Neal who is probably a lesbian and lives in Padukah and really really really needs to cawl me) screwed up my life and denied me recess because I was SHORT.

I am a kindergarden graduate, you know. I pick my nose in the direction of those pitiful losers by the cubbies who still wet their pants and drop cookie crumbs in the story carpet. I am gonna sue them for laughing at me.

The whole thing started when I was assigned morning kindergarden instead of afternoon kindergarden and I had to wear my dad's old shirt over my school dress for the painting center. Now I hate to get up in the morning and I wear men's clothes a lot.

I hang out in the lunchroom at the open mike on the stage and harangue the lunch ladies for pressing the forks into the peanut butter cookies to make religous symbols. Those fascists!!!

Last week I visited the grave of my old faithful hamster and wrote a poem. Now I'm a gonna stumble over to the juice bar and suck down teh hard stuff to try to forget my trauma over missing my chance with Denny.

Chow loozers,

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Mental Milly said...

great blog. I just sit here with my Hamster and laugh at what you guys write. Too funny. By the way, I can speak french


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