Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Open thread for anything all ya'lls want to talk about...

As for me, I'm going to bed.

OPEN THREAD



I'm starting to feel like Duncan Black.

37 Comments:

At 10:43 PM, Blogger Desperado said...

its started

monsieur colbert re: mademoiselle ramsey

Monsieur Colbert: Fox News broke the story today along with ABC, NBC, CBS, XYZ and FUTV. There’s been a break in the ten year old COLD CASE involving the death of JonBenet Ramsey, the six year old girl from Boulder, Colorado who was brutally murdered on Christmas night, 1996.

That’s right, folks. The despicable human being allegedly responsible for the murder of an innocent young girl was arrested on foreign soil. I know what you’re thinking but no, it was not a United States Marine arrested in Iraq. No folks. The man was arrested in Bangkok, Thailand. The alleged murderer, John Mark Karr is not a soldier, but a former schoolteacher.

Tonight, a Colbert Report EXCLUSIVE – Mr. Karr’s girlfriend, Deborah Frisch. Mrs. Karr, welcome to the Colbert Raypour!

DF: Thanks, Stephen. But I am not Mr. Karr’s girlfriend. I never met the guy and besides, I’m, you know, like Ellen.

SC: So you don’t want to be called Mrs. Karr?

DF: No, Stephen, I don’t.

SC: What should I call you then?

DF: Deb would be fine.

SC: Fine, Deb. I guess you’re happy you’re off the hook for the murder, aren’t you?

DF: I was never really a suspect, Stephen.

SC: Ma cherie, methinks thou dost protest too much. Wasn’t suspicion focused on you a few weeks ago? Didn’t you basically cop to the crime on a “blog” called protein wisdom?

DF: Not exactly, Stephen.

SC: Where exactly were you on December 25, 1996, docteur freesh?

DF: I don’t remember.

SC: You don’t remember? You call that an alibi? You wouldn’t have happened to have been on a ski trip to the rocky mountains, would you?

DF: Nope. I’d remember that. I fly through Denver to get to Eugene. And I visited Boulder in 1982 or 1983 when I was deciding where to go to grad school. But I haven’t “visited” Colorado in over 20 years.

SC: So why’d you kill her? Jealous of how pretty she was? You’re not that cute, you know. You’re kind of pudgy and your hair is funny looking.

DF: I didn’t kill her, Stephen.

SC: Oh that’s right. Your boyfriend did it! Sorry! I forgot the latest twist in the twisted plot! Why’d you do it? Were you having an affair with John? Did you want to hurt him?

DF: I never met any of the Ramseys, Stephen.

SC: Or maybe you were hot for Patsy. That’s it. You wanted Patsy so you decided to kill the kid! That’s how it went down, right!

DF: Stephen, I got into a fight with a guy on the internet and made a JOKE about JonBenet Ramsey. It was a mean, nasty joke but I didn’t kill JR and I don’t know who did and I am very sorry that someone ophed her. I really, truly, madly, deeply am sorry someone killed a little girl in boulder, colorado ten years ago.

SC: Fine. If you don’t wanna cop to ophing her, far be it from me to badger you. Next up: orthodox jews who prefer lamont to lieberman! stay tooned to the coal bear ray pour!

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

Oh, man. she's got another "Colbert Report" interview post up, riffing on the Ramsey case.

The tone's a bit negative toward Steevarino. I take it my referral to the talent coordinator at the show didn't go so well.

The love is turning sour.

If you see a suicide note from Steven on the comedy central blog...check the IP address.

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger BrendaK said...

She just really does not know how to conduct herself in public. What on earth did she think she would achieve with this?

Deb - I know you lurk here. What were you thinking? Have you no decency AT ALL?! Right now, you are the one and only person I have met/known/encountered in my entire life that I cannot find a single nice thing to say about.

 
At 4:21 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

"That’s right, folks. The despicable human being allegedly responsible for the murder of an innocent young girl was arrested on foreign soil. I know what you’re thinking but no, it was not a United States Marine arrested in Iraq."

Actually Doctor, when I first started seeing the details coming in, I just heard an arrest was made. I thought, wow that’s a coincidence, with that stuff recently on Protein Wisdom and all. Then I heard, it was a teacher, and I said, “No way it couldn’t be”. Then they said, they were clued in by traffic on the internet. By then I thought there might be a chance I’d be called as a witness because I’ve been to your site. Last news was a guy was arrested overseas, and I said, “It’s her, it’s her” Then I remembered that you only swear like a man.

You are just beyond reprehension. Only you could have figured out a way to take a great news item like that and turn it into another inconceivably tasteless affront to our military. No, I’m thinking you are very indicative of the left and your comments just don’t happen in a vacuum. All the hateful crap you draw on from indygate, sfgate, DU et al, fertilizes your witless diatribe.

I know Marines and I wouldn’t want a Marine mad at me. Just remember, “No greater friend, no greater enemy”.

PS

I know you won’t post this here, so I’m going to post it at DHD.com also so at least the VBS kids can read it.

PPS

Their poetry is way better than yours!

 
At 4:43 AM, Blogger John R Henry said...

Hawksp said:

"Then I remembered that you only swear like a man."

No she doesn't. Nor like a woman either.

She swears like a 6 year old. She has heard the words, knows they are naughty but has no idea what they mean, what their use conveys or how she feels about them.

She thinks they make her sound grown up. They just make her sound silly.

I am beginning to regret getting into this contest to see who can be the Bull-Goose Looney around here. She is really going to have to do much better. This is just pathetic.

John Henry

 
At 5:03 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

Well said John.

I sit corrected.

Can you believe her?

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger Dwainj said...

Debbie isn't so hard to PO.. I got a few posts in asking hard questions- she put them up, then took down and banned me.. Best to post when she is drunk.

Thankfully I have access to 3 wireless hotspots.

 
At 6:01 AM, Blogger Ryan said...

Well, here it is, 5:52 am Oregon time, (yeah, I'm up early), the clock is ticking inexorably toward vodka-thirty and I've just got one question for you all:

Are you ready for some CRA-ZEEEEEEEEEEEEE???

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

I'm sorry that "ryan" post at 6:01 am was me. I did't notice that my son was logged in.

 
At 6:08 AM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

The tone's a bit negative toward Steevarino

That's because, concerning the object of her fixation, Deb will either really really love him or really really hate him; there ain't no middle ground and it can turn on a dime.

If she were hetero, I can't imagine the nightmare that being in a relationship with her would be like: One moment, you'd be going at it like crazed weasels and the next, she'd be coming at you with a knife.

And didn't I just describe the plot of Fatal Attraction?

 
At 6:15 AM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Hey Ya'll,

I just want to note a few things before Teh CraZee starts up.

She won't post anything that calls Cecile by name or mentions her Mother. (Like does your Mother know what you're doing).

She didn't start up with the Unablogger thing until someone asked if she was going to bid on his ebay stuff.

She routinely runs with something WE made up & then claims it. (Like her renaming Negra the seal Nedra) Maybe she can't remember from one binge to the next.

She won't post much that challenges her gayness.

All the poets here !ROCK!

My hat is off & my heart is full to all those who are/were in the military.

Sinner , thanks again for the site.

Sinner & Joe, thanks again for the oven project. If anyone wants to know about that, you'll just have to mail them. I don't have a blog with an exposed mail like they do. But I'm sure John Henry could ferret it out! (Please don't, I'd freak out!)

Since she reads this blog, I'll say to her directly:
Hey Deb: You are not in control of how this is going anymore. You have made too many eyes turn your way.I hope you get your money's worth for the real pain that you have caused real people.

And with that.....Rabbit is off and running

 
At 6:38 AM, Blogger Xymmie said...

My first comment ever:

There's also another photo of her stuffed animals. It struck me that she may be trying to emulate JG and his 'dillo.

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

"One moment, you'd be going at it like crazed weasels and the next, she'd be coming at you with a knife."

Holy Crap Muse,

Are you trying to cause us all clinical insomnia?

It's like a Nightmare On Deb Street already after Tunas pink teddy comment. A "crazed weasel" for Pete's sake?

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger BrendaK said...

oregonmuse --

Sure. She even has the bunny all ready to go.

oo-oo-OOOOOOOOO-oo (/eerie soundtrack)

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

MUSE!
BRENAK!

Please stop! The mental images are too much.

Deb in a Pink Teddy…
Weasels…
Bunnies…

How do you spell the throaty noise you make when you get a creepy up your back chill and the involuntary shoulder shrug?

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Rabbit said...

I spell it D...E....B

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Blizzardlane said...

Oh, it's because troops rhymes wiht dupes that she uses that phrase, but doesn't mean it.

Deb, it also rhymes with poops, which is kind of what your posts are. And if you want to get the attention of "Faux News," I would suggest getting on with Teh CraZee.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Dwainj said...

She's up early: and now has the hots for mr. stewart.


am i cheatin' on steve if i groove on jon?
Sheesh. You peeps sure delivered a lot of hate mail last night. I am totally hearing that the colbert/ramsey shtick was over the line, not funny, badbadbadbad. That does not mean it was a bad idea for me to try it - a jester needs to push the limits, after all. I guess it was playing with too much fire at once (ramsey and Marines). Do not play with too much fire at once. Be super duper duper careful when talking about the American troops in Iraq. It is so easy to be misunderstood as mocking or belittling the troops. I do not really believe the american troops are dupes. it's just a very easy, catchy rhyme to go from support our troops to support our dupes that you take poetic license. If dupe did not rhyme with troop, I would never think to call the troops dupes.

But once I do think of it, there's a grain of truth in it. There has been so much propaganda and lies from the government and amplified by the nutty 24 hours news media (it's not just Fox. Jon Stewart brilliantly parodied CNN's beating of the drums of war last night. Am I cheating on Colbert if I adore Stewart?) that Americans have all been duped by the government and mass media, especially regarding the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, Israel and maybe Iran if we don't watch out.

Jon Stewart had a brilliant shtick, cutting and pasting clips from Fox, CNN, etc. about how the government and 24 newz industry are trying to make you afraid. Doesn't that scare the crap out of you!

A nail is rarely hit on the head so squarely as Jon Stewart nailed the mass mediumb last night. The ban on liquids on planes, the latest terror newz - TERROR PLOT PHOILED! - are absurd.

There's a free-floating, scientifically illiterate, statistically delusional fear that can be amped at will by the korporate owned government and the pathetic, neutered korporate owned media. The typical American, at least through the ideas of the mass mediumb, is a pliable, mindless sheep who will respond to any nonsense that comes out of the teevee screen.

Personally, I think the boys done pushed their luck too much with this lipstick thing. I almost think O'Reilly and Greta and their CNN equivalents want Merricans to know that the government is totally fucked up.

Someone inside the US government is working his or her butt off to wake us up to how corrupt our government is. The message currently being amplified by CNN/Fox/ABC/CBS/NBC is so absurd and silly that even the limpest-lobed americans will be able to grok it, thanks to stewart and colbert and all of us lesser scribes and yappers who sing the same tune as the hottie hombres.

Jon Stewart reminds me of mon frere.
Et j'aime beaucoup Monsieur Colbert!

I need to get invited to O'Reilly in order to get on Stewart and Colbert's radars.

Suggestions on how to get the attention of the blathering, intellectually flaccid but curiously appealing (most appealing of the fetid lot of them, that's 4 sure) dingbat@faux.newz, lemme know!

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger John R Henry said...

Sorry I have no news. She will not respond to my e-mails nor call me. I am going to have to call her tomorrow if she doesn't call me today. After all, she is the one who said she wanted to talk.

She told us once her Mom's name is Susan. I wonder if you can mention that name in a post and get through?

Anyone want to try?

John

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

"It's like a Nightmare On Deb Street already after Tunas pink teddy comment. A "crazed weasel" for Pete's sake?"

Not a pink teddy - a RED teddy. To be more precise, "Heeeelllllooooo sailor!!!" red. Pink's not scary. A pink teddy on DF is just gross. A red teddy on DF - now that scares the beejesus out of me. If you want to reeeeaaalllllyyy scare yourself, imagine waking up after a three day bender in a cheap hotel room in Vegas to find la Frisch lying next to you. In a red teddy. And you both have wedding rings on.

Excuse me, I've got to go. I think I've made myself sick.

openacanatuna

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger believe4me said...

I'll try John Henry.

I already got banned from home, maybe i can get banned from work.

Blumkin

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

Alright Tuna, Brendak, Muse, this is what I’m dealing with now. I can’t get the mental images that you’ve all so vividly painted for us out of my head. Imagine Deb crouching in a “Red” Teddy at the foot of your bed as you’re trying to sleep.

DebGollum: VBSers hates us. Tricksey VBSers.

DebSmeagal: No, No, No, VBSers likes DebSmeagal. VBSers are our friend.

DebGollum: VBSers keep “the precious” and we wants it, don’ts we?

DebSmeagle: No, not listening, VBSers are our friend!

DebGollum: VBSers KEEP “THE PRECIOUS” AND WE WANTS IT DONTS WE?”

DebSmeagle: yes, yes, we hates the VBSers and we wants “the precious”.

DebGollum: And what is….”the precious”?

DebSmeagle: VBSers bandwidth.

DebGollum: And hows does we gets it?

DebSmeagle: We JB their ephing asses!

Nightmare ends in fade with maniacal laughter.


I need sleep!

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Rabbit said...

That DebGollum cracked me up! Somebody submit it to her site.

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Staci said...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHAHAHAHA

Hawksp!! LOL, I was reading the poetry and posted how it reminded me of Gollum from LOTR. I could never have, ever created something like that!!!!

OMG, I'm cracking up here.

Quick lunch break and now, I have to get back to this spreadsheet.

Thanks for the laugh!!

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger Hawksp said...

Staci,

I don't want to forget you. The gollum comment, I think, put me over the edge.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Staci said...

No, I think it was teh Red Teddy here.

My sockpuppet I created over there is too nice and my soft punches are waaaayyy over her head. I'm going to dive into this nightmare spreadsheet and come back hopefully with wit ready to break free.

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Staci said...

Can someone photoshop Gollum, in a red teddy, with Deb's face, holding a bottle of WTF Vodka? That would be funny.

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger BrendaK said...

Staci -

That's just so sick and disturbed.

I love it!

(not talented enought to do it, though. Anyone where any good with photoshop?)

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

Can someone photoshop Gollum, in a red teddy, with Deb's face, holding a bottle of WTF Vodka? That would be funny.

Oh, I see, you just want me to stab my eyes with a salad fork, don't you?

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger OregonMuse said...

am i cheatin' on steve if i groove on jon?

Deb's got this fantasy relationship with the Coal Bear going in her febrile mind. This reminds me of what happened to David Letterman a few years back when he had to get an extra-strength RO against a crazy woman who had actually managed to break into his home in Connecticut and live there for some weeks or months. No doubt this woman had a fantasy relationship with David Letterman that she thought was real.

So how far away is our Deb from this sort of behavior?

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

hawksp!

Ah hahahahahahahaha!

VBS'ers hates us. Tricksy VBS'ers.

Oh man oh man oh man.

What a way to put all the disturbing images together.

(Shakes head) Tricksy VBS'er, that's a keeper.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger Staci said...

Oh man, John is getting under her skin. HAHAHAHA

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Dr. Deb just promoted someone over Sinner's head:

I wish I had as much information about the idiot named sulla who started the don't hire me site.

Well, we all know her comprehension levels aren't that great.

Sulla! Sulla! Sulla!

Oh, wait a minute. I mean:

Sinner! Sinner! Sinner!

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger openacanatuna said...

This just in:

August 17, 2006
From the offices of Miles Monroe, publicist

As you know, this office (Miles Monroe & Assoc.) is and has represented Mr. Smeagol Smeagol for a number of years. Mr. Smeagol (who has also used the nome de plume "Gollum" in certain theatrical and cinematic ventures).

Mr. Smeagol was shocked and outraged to discover this morning that his name was associated with a parody posted to the website Don't Hire Deb Frisch ("DHDF"). In the outrageous post, Mr. Smeagol's good name and reputation were linked in an unfavorable way to Deb Frisch, a nearly homeless, unemployed and rabid former adjunct lecturer currently living near a state park restroom in Eugene Oregon. Ms. Frisch, who claims to have an advanced college degree from a large university (representatives of that school have contacted me and have asked that the school not be named), has often been described as "crazy as a shit-house rat". Currently the subject of a restraining order (the service of which involved law enforcement personnel in two states), Frisch has been accused of defaming and making threatening comments to children and adults across the US and Puerto Rico.

Mr. Smeagol stated, "This is an OUTRAGE! This is libel. And not the good kind. My good name has been forever tarnished due to being associated with Frisch." Having consulted with Sen. Ted Stevens, Smeagol has learned to his horror that this defamatory post has likely been sent via all the tubes of the internet, to people with computers all over the world.

Due to the lasting and pervasive effect on his film career of being ridiculed as being comparable to Frisch, Mr. Smeagol has retained counsel to explore the possibility of legal action. Mr. Emmanuel Goldstein, Esq., of the firm Goldstein Goldstein Goldstein Goldstein & Yamada, LLP, is consulting with Smeagol as to his possible legal recourse. Goldstein may take litiginious action in the form of retroactive restraining orders, requests for temporary dishonorable discharges, etc., in order to stop the circulation of these despicable characterizations of Mr. Smeagol. In addition, Smeagol fully intends to evaluate his monetary damages and will seek damages, possibly of $52,395 - current MSRP of a Hummer 2 less currently applicable manufacturer discount (different terms may apply to lease transactions, not all prices available to all customers, customer's final price may depend on his/her creditworthiness, your mileage may vary) - or more. When asked about the calculation of the damages, Smeagol said "Well, it has to be enough that we can buy something nice enough to take our preciouuussssss with us, doesn't it? We don't want the nasty hobbittses to walk around with our preciousssss in their nasty pocketses, do we? It belongs to us, we found it. We think a black Hummer 2 would be perfect for driving our with our preciousssss."

Potential plantiffs in this actions include DHDF, Sulla (proprietor of DHDF), hawksp, Deb Frisch, anyone having read the posts in question, and anyone the aforementioned has ever had sex with.

In conclusion, Mr. Smeagol stated: "This isn't just about me. It's about the children. Millions and millions of children have grown up thinking of Smeagol/Gollum as a lovable amphibian with a mild interest in jewelry. To have my name associated with an unemployed, child threatening, rabid lunatic with bleeding string warts (and a red teddy), will only do irreparable harm to those children."

------------------------

Wow, he sounds serious about this.

openacanatuna

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Sulla said...

oh my.

openacanatuna, you owe me a new monitor.

and a rhinoplasty. diet coke is not meant to go through the nose like that.

Frisches! Frisches! We hates it forever!

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger joeschmo1of3 said...

Oh hawksp, what have you wrought?

Openacanatuna continues with the Middle Earth theme and Smeagol threatens "litiginious" action. I feel some dwarvish teh crazy® coming on tonight.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Hawksp said...

Holy Crap Tuna,

That was the funniest. That you could cause me to ruin my monitor with the shtick I started is truely amazing.

My apologies to "Mr." Gollum and in the words of Tessio from the Godfather, "Tuna, can you get me off the hook? You know, for old times sake."

 

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