I'm a sick mofo, when I get a break in the meetings (oh God, the meetings...) I look for internet access so I can post here.

Kill me now... (not really Bilgeman!)

Anywhy, I just have a few secs so I am posting the entire text of a Dr. Deb special in the extended entry. I will have comments later, if I live through the meetings...

Click here for teh crazy
the moonbat with the black aura

Angela: When you’re not joking about theoretically ramseyed two year olds, cyberstalking psychopathic, unethical and/or dumb-as-doorknob bloggers or holding dead Israelis hostage, what do you do for fun?

Thanks for your interest in south(west)paw, Angela. One thing I do sometimes – today for example – is talk to like-minded residents of eugene, oregon.

Now I know what you are thinking – by “like-minded” u think I mean totally, 110%, over the top cuckoo wackoo nutty CRAZEE LADEE batshit moonbat psycho baby killer baby kisser who can’t spel and don make no sense half the time and wanna sue a lotta folx and wanna fuss with almost everyone!

But that’s not what I mean by “like-minded.” By “like-minded” I mean “fella moonbat.”

Moonbat is a derogatory term (like dyke, nigger, geek, gook or kyke) used by extreme rightwing Americans to refer to their brethren and cistern on the far opposite end of the aisle. But I love the moon and I love flying mammals and I adore the conjunction as much as each component and I am happy and proud to call myself a moonbat.

I am left of Nader and barely right of Kaczynski. Moonbats are the rabid lefties who:

a. were against Bush War II (occupation of Iraq that began in March, 2003) from the get-go
b. have hated uncle $cam and korporate congress with a passion since at least 1999, with the WTO protest in Seattle.
c. cannot tolerate being in the same room with people who do not foam at the mouth at the thought of Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and/or Rice.

In 2000, when moonbats in Eugene would say “Who are you going to vote for?” we didn’t mean Gore or Bush. We meant Nader or Gore. In 2004, we didn’t ask. We just prayed. On my birthday, November 2, our prayers were mocked by the trickster, the one, the source.

Moonbats have NO DOUBT that uncle $cam was involved in 911, probably by enabling the spectacular disaster and possibly by assisting it.

Moonbats debate the relative merits of tofu and tempeh. Some moonbats eat meat but most of us who do feel guilty about it. Moonbats don’t eat veal or foie gras. Ever.

Today, I had a meeting with a woman who’s a professional writer/comedian/comedy teacher. She’s a moonbat like me, only much less rabid. I performed at an open mic show she organized a few weeks ago and I’d wanted to meet with her privately in her capacity as a comedy coach.

We met at a diner and after ordering our respective beverages (iced tea for her, hot coffee for me), we started talking.

“Yikes.” she said from across the booth. “Your aura extends to just about here (indicates spot a few inches from her face) and it is BLACK.”

”Is that bad?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, possibly rolling her eyes. “Black is the worst kind of aura.”

I was totally bummed. I adore this woman. She’s part colleague. We are both interested in analyzing and discussing the art and science of standup comedy. She is part teacher. I really could learn a lot from her like how to write real jokes, for example, a skill I never mastered in the couple of years I did open mic standup in Washington, d.c. and Tucson. Plus, she looks sort of like Lucille Ball and Susan Sarandon and talks a little like Phyllis Diller.

I was really stoked for our meeting and sort of thought that she liked me almost as much as I liked her and that she kind of sort of saw me as a Stephen Colbert type diamond in the not too rough. Boy was I wrong.

The “nice aura! not.” comment was bad enough. But it got worse. It turns out we had radically different opinions about where I ranked vis-à-vis the other comics who performed at Peabody’s Pub. Professor Haha herself had performed and I knew she was better than me. There was a black guy (one of seven in Eugene, Oregon!) named Kevin Kimball who was also much funnier than me. But surely I was sure I was in the top 10*pi percent!

Shirley not. She told me she was booking a stage at the Eugene Celebration in September and I wasn’t book-worthy.

I'm not a contenda AND I have a huge black aura.

It was fun to talk to her despite her (IMO) drastic misunderestimation of my comedic potential. Halfway through the conversation, she told me my aura wasn't big and black no mo. I kind of knew what she meant - I felt much better after talking to her.

She’s a real pie-chart kind of thinker and a former mathlete like me. She told me a slide rule joke that I can't remember exactly.

She helped me realize that I need to adjust the ratios of my different voices (professor, cyberterrorist, cybercop, rabid moonbat, poet, standup comic, o’reilly don’t wanna be, colbert wanna be, coulter/malkin-HATE&DESPISER!, rabidly anti-zionist and mildly anti-semetic jew, etc.)

The ratio of professor really should never be less than 50%, if I think about it. I am a professional decision scientist and I should act like one. It ain’t becoming to scuffle and tussle wrassle and hassle as much as I been doin. It aint healthy to get the rage thang on 24/7. I need to lay off the taywrist thang 4 a while, even though my loyalties lie with the muslims, not the judeo-christians these days.

I know that's crazy - I don't want to move to saudi arabia and wear a king (prince?) size sheet when I go out and not drive and have to deal wtih king saud the prince of saud bullshit. i don't wanna move to eye-rack. i don't want to pack up and go live in beirut.

i don't want to have the nuttiest of the kooky guy in the sky trilogy nonsense shoved down my throat and live a sub-human existence. no thank u.

i guess i like living in a judeo-christian society, when push comes to shove. but dang, my sympathies lie with the poor mofos we've oppressed for a half century and out of whom we cavalierly allow the bejesus to be bombed.

sam and shlomo are sicko mofos.

uhoh. there's that black aura again.

enuf iz enuph!

chow,

DF, Ph.D.
Posted by Deb at August 8, 2006 06:51 PM | TrackBack

I will update with more comments later...

Comments update:

That settles it, you're not crazy. You're just a fucking dumbass. Print it or ban me, I don't really care either way.

In the next few days look for me to start my "Deb Frish is a fucking dumbass" website.

~V5
Posted by: VictorFive at August 8, 2006 08:59 PM

V5, bud, you don't need to start one...