Thursday, August 03, 2006

Seems like I missed quite a lot today as I took actual work seriously...
Jester wants to deal

The terms of Mr. Cockula’s restraining order against me prohibits me from emailing the a-hole or posting on lipid stupidity. I’m happy to agree to those terms and have no interest in pursuing other legal action against the mofo from Colorado. Thus, the legal scuffle between us began and ended this a.m.

I am in the process of negotiating a financial settlement with Mr. Cockula whereby I sign an agreement promising to refrain from certain activities in exchange for monetary compensation. This list might include my refraining from the following activities:

a. referring to Satchel by name in any future publications regarding the blog brawl on south(west)paw or in the comments sections of other blogs such as sadly no, patterico, blackfive, ace of spades, commentaries, interviews, etc.
b. reiterating my concern that Mr. Cockula is sexually abusing Satchel on account of Jeff wrote the pedophilic auntie moonbat saliva quote, not me. two year old baws ain’t ma thang.
c. expressing shock that anyone would procreate with such a miserable excuse for a human being
d. repeating my count without the O joke ad nauseum,
e. joking about the count who couldn’t mount and the o-less one in poems on south(west)paw etc.
f. expressing disgust at the google trail daddy-o left for satchel when the poor tyke learns to google. Maybe daddy-o isn’t sexually abusing the baw, but he is surely abusing the tyke by leaving count cockula drippings all over the blogosphere. blech, jeff.

The sooner I talk to Mr. Cockula’s lawyer regarding the specific terms, the better.

Obviously, the count without the O joke is not negotiable.
The count who was sad he couldn’t mount joke: NOT NEGOTIABLE.
Snatchel joke: negotiable.
Never mentioning the count again: not negotiable. Wanna do it. Gonna do it. That’s it.
Never mocking the misses again beyond the count w/o the O joke: negotiable.

LIMITED TIME OFFER: I will unilaterally disarm and pledge to refrain from any further reference to satchel by name or in any derogatory way. I will not use the Snatchel joke that I emailed to Jeff and he posted (what a moron!) on Lipid Stupidity (“it’s a good thing the count and c**t didn’t have a girl!”). I won’t even use the word snatchel anymore as a noun to refer to the genitals of patheteic pissants like Mr. Cockula.

I’ll throw all the satchel/snatchel shtick in for free if we can reach a settlement by the end of the day today.

It would behoove Mr. Paul Lewis, Esquire of Denver, CO to contact me asap, if not sooner.
Umm.. I don't think you quite understand the situation, not that I am an expert...

Thanks to bilgeman for the commentary in comments:
Bilgeman said...


sez Frisch:

"UPDATE (10 a.m.): It's been a hectic morning here at the ranch. The sheriff showed up around 7:30 to serve me with a temporary civil protection order from a resident of Denver, Colorado (who shall remain nameless), subject to the provisions of C.R.S. 12-14-101 to 13-14-102."

Well, what do them scary numbers MEAN?

It seems that while Frisch was yakking, Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein were acting:

"12-14-101. Short title.
Statute text
This article shall be known and may be cited as the "Colorado Fair Debt Collection Practices Act"."

Makes sense if you're suing for damages.
Like, shutting down your blog from fear of some nutjob, and losing the advertising revenue that you would usually make when your sitemeter drops off.

Or did she think JG's blog vacation didn't come with a price attached?

I figured that one out as soon as he did it.


"13-14-102. Civil protection orders - legislative declaration.
Statute text
(1) The general assembly hereby finds that the issuance and enforcement of protection orders are of paramount importance in the state of Colorado because protection orders promote safety, reduce violence, and prevent serious harm and death. In order to improve the public's access to protection orders and to assure careful judicial consideration of requests and effective law enforcement, there shall be two processes for obtaining protection orders within the state of Colorado, a simplified civil process and a mandatory criminal process."

A restraining order. And that's just the FIRST shoe dropping.

Oooooh, this is gonna start to HURT, and FAST.

And Frisch, if you read this, one other thing this means is that if you don't already own a shotgun, then you're too late.

People under s restraining order are barred by law from purchasing firearms.

Didja know that?

Thank Gawd for the (NRA endorsed, btw), National Instant Check System.

I wouldn't be her for all the dope in Indochina.

Thanks for the research and commentary. Looks very very bad for the good Doctor, but then again I am not a lawyer and I do not play one on TV.


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